Tough Love

Dear Friends,

The term “tough love” has come up in a few conversations this week. It got me to thinking that when tough love really is love (and not just some sick justification for our lack of love) then it can be tough for everyone, but especially for the one administering the tough love. Most of us want to be both loving and likeable in the eyes of those we love, but sometimes misunderstandings just have to stand, feelings have to be hurt, and the expectations of those we love have to be frustrated. There’s nothing worse for a parent who loves his child than to be told by his child, “I hate you.”

How often do we put God in the position having to exercise tough love? In those moments when we are mad at Him, do we ever feel at least a hint of shame? God is always loving, but He may not always be likeable…and we should actually be grateful for this. When a parent sets out to be likeable, the primary intention is to make the child happy. Likeable parents want their children to have favorable opinions of them at all times. So, in order to enforce this opinion, likeable parents give their children whatever the children want, whenever they want it.

We should be glad that God is not that kind of Father, just as we should be glad that God's plan for our lives is to help us become so much more than little brats. God is entirely unconcerned about how He fares in the paternal popularity poll. And every parent knows that in order to be truly loving toward your children, sometimes you have to be utterly unlikeable.

Sometimes being loving means saying a firm no, refusing to capitulate no matter how much your children scream or cry or beg. Sometimes being loving means taking something away from your child because it’s bad for them, even if they don’t understand the danger of the object they’re playing with. Sometimes being loving means measuring out discipline to correct and train, even though you hate giving the punishment more than they hate receiving it.

Maybe you don’t like what the Lord is doing in your life right now. That’s okay. He’s infinitely more moved by how much He loves you than how much you like Him.

Peace,

Ernest